Created by Tyler Moore, Anthony Cope, Danielle Ruff



A Modest Proposal


Swift’s proposal in his satire is that the people of Ireland, in lew of their current food shortages, should instead eat or sell their own children, after they have been “stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled”, of course. He intends to extract a emotional and horrified response from his audience.

Swift's idea of a healthy meal.
Swift's idea of a healthy meal.

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Evidence of this desire is shown in paragraph 13, where Swift states that because the rich “have already devoured most of the parents” that they have “ the best title of the children” for eating. This is meant to enrage the parents of the children, especially the mothers, because healthy children were so precious in the 1700s. Swift’s statement not only reminds the people of how much they have been abused by the nobles (or ‘devoured’ as Swift says), but also brings out an emotional recoil from Swift’s statement that the poor have less right to their own children than the rich do.

His main goal is further shown in paragraph 11, when he dehumanizes the children being sold by comparing them to livestock, such as sheep and cattle. He states, “I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the hundred and twenty thousand children already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed…which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine.” This draws a parallel with the Nazi holocaust of WWII, where the victims in prison camps were numbered and herded together like animals, removing all traces of humanity from them. Swift does the same thing here, treating these children more like livestock to be categorized and eaten than as human beings.

His quest of disturbing and enraging his audience continues in paragraphs 24-26, where he discusses the payment for the ‘constant breeders’. This is such vulgar thought because in the 1700’s when this was published, childbirth was a very risky procedure. Women often died in childbirth, so someone being paid to professionally produce and raise children was like paying someone to kill themselves.

In paragraph 27, Swift horrifies his audience by explaining on the selling of babies will provide a ‘great inducement to marriage.’ He states that the assurance of a future for themselves would entice people to marry, and even compete among couples to rear the fattest and tenderest children for market. Also, because of the reasons presented in the above paragraph, producing a healthy child was quite an accomplishment in the 1700’s. Some people went their entire lives without ever producing a child. Selling a one year old baby would be like throwing away a lifetime of work for a measly ‘eight shillings sterling per annum.’ The idea that two people would want to marry because they could sell their children for money is disgusting, and fits perfectly with Swift’s intent on an emotional response.

Closing his essay, Swift states that he can think of no objection to his proposal. Swift’s arrogance at this point would astonish a reader who has not caught on to his satire at this point, and would so frusterate his audience with rage that they may stop reading after this. He then goes on to list a whole number of economic policies that could be implemented to improve the lives of Irelands people, but then immediately dismisses all of them, requesting that ‘no man talk to me of other expedients.’ By contrasting his earlier cannabalistic argument with these seemingly harmless expedients, Swift can get across the main proposal of his message, which are that these expedients are the only truly logical solutions to the problem of overpopulation and hunger.

Swift’s goal in his essay is to suggest an idea so vulgar and horrific that the people of Ireland will begin to realize that they need to consider more modest proposals.



Drugs: Government, why so serious?

In this great country of ours, our government plays a major role in supporting and looking out for us, its people. Laws are enacted to make sure that we don’t harm ourselves or others. One thing that the government has made clear, however, is that if you want to get yourself hooked on drugs and end up dead in a car crash or living with lung cancer, then that’s O.K. Approximately 515,000 deaths per year are attributed to alcohol and tobacco (Source: NIDA 2008 Survey), while approximately 17,000 deaths per year have been attributed to all other illicit drugs (such as heroin, cocaine, speed, LSD, etc.) Since the government seems to have no problem with keeping legal the two biggest killers of all drugs, I see no reason why all the other illicit substances shouldn’t be legalized.

Legalizing drugs would be a good decision for our country not only because it would allow people to have more freedom to live their lives as they please, but it would also be a great economic boost in these current, trying times. Alcohol and tobacco taxes generate approximately $15 billion in income for the government per year (Source: Tax and Trade Bureau Website), which is a valuable and dependable source in this recession we have currently slipped into. The Office of National Drug Policy estimates that approximately $65 billion worth of illicit substances enters the US every year. Legalizing all of that and slapping on a measly 5% tax would bring in an extra $3.25 billion per year. This may not seem like much in regard to the hundreds of billions of dollars we throw out in company bailouts, but it would be a steady source of income, and due to the legalization, would probably grow over the years.

In addition to the money gained through taxes, legalizing the drug trade would cut out a major cost on the penal system, which is currently chock full of addicts and dealers. For marijuana cases alone, over $7 billion (Source: National Survey on Drug Use and Health) was spent to arrest, prosecute, and jail offenders. That’s just marijuana. Cutting out that expense would bring the total money gained from legalizing drugs to over $10 billion. The Coast Guard runs an additional program to secure our ports from illegal merchant ships offloading drugs into our harbor’s, which costs an additional $7.3 billion. Savings: up to over $18 billion for legalizing drugs.

Another reason that legalizing drugs would be that it could actually decrease crime rates. How is that, you ask? Well, the majority of gang warfare in our cities is due to drug related issues, such as securing territory to deal in or simply fighting over stores of drugs. If the drugs they deal are legalized, people would have no reason to go to the gangs anymore. Just pop down to your local 7-11 with your photo ID and buy a joint or a line. No reason to go to those nasty drug dealers again hanging around in shady alleys. Drugs would now be sold in proper institutions. Sure, you might be able to skip the taxes or tariffs if you buy on the black market, but that would occupy such a small part of the market that gangs would lose their grip over our cities. Their influence would diminish, and with it, the violent crime attributed to them.

Here in America, we have always supported the freedom of the individual, choosing your own path. Freedom of the press, freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of expression. Why not the freedom to get completely coked up and drive around looking at the pretty colors? If that is the American dream, then by God we should let people have it. We could, perhaps, route drug addicts going to jail into therapy instead to try to decrease Americas drug demand, or more closely secure our borders with increased spending in the Coast Guard and our Border Patrol in Texas and other south-western states, but honestly, those are the fruitless choices. The only right decision now is to legalize all drugs. Heroin, crack, mary-jane, speed, LSD, meth, ice, and all those lovely substances. It would not only be a great money maker for us in our recession, but it would allow the American people to have more of what they have always wanted. Freedom.

The end.





Rape of the Lock


Alexander Pope satirizes many values in his mock epic, The Rape of the Lock. Of these values, Locke focuses mainly on materialism, vanity of women, and excessive formalities.

In The Rape of the Lock, Pope prominently mocks the materialism of the upper class. For example, in Canto 1, Pope states:

Unnumbered treasures ope at once, and here
The various offerings of the world appear;
From each she nicely culls with curious toil,
And decks the goddess with the glittering spoil. (Lines 129-132)

Here, Pope compares the possessions of Belinda to treasure. This comparison shows the upper class's exaggerated emphasis on material goods, which they view as treasure. Pope also compares Belinda to a goddess, which foreshadows his impending attacks on the vanity of women.

Pope lampoons the upper class's obsession with beauty throughout the work. In Canto 2, Pope dryly remarks :

Yet graceful ease, and sweetness void of pride,
Might hide her faults, if belles had faults to hide:
If to her share some female errors fall,
Look on her face, and you'll forget 'em all. (Lines 15-18)

Pope implies here that gentlemen are so enthralled by women's beauty that they overlook the women's faults. Additionally, in Canto 2, Pope comments:

Her lively looks a sprightly mind disclose,
Quick as her eyes, and as unfixed as those;
Favors to none, to all she smiles extends;
Oft she rejects, but never once offends. (Lines 9-13)

This description of Belinda clearly reveals her vanity. She does not aid others, but instead smiles at them. Belinda also rejects men, but she does not offend them because of her beauty.

In addition, Pope satirizes the frivolous formalities of the upper class. In Canto 3, he details the day of a typical member of the upper class:

To taste awhile the pleasures of a court;
In various talk the instructive hours they passed,
Who gave the ball, or paid the visit last;
One speaks the glory of the British Queen,
And one describes a charming Indian screen;
A third interprets motions, looks, and eyes;
At every word a reputation dies. (Lines 10-16)

Members of the upper class discuss topics deemed important, such as parties and the Queen. They are expected to follow strict codes of conduct, and a breach of this code results in one's reputation being severely tarnished. Members of the upper class act overly dramatic about trivial matters such as cards. In Canto 3, Pope mocks the players of a card game : “Now to the Baron fate inclines the field / His warlike amazon her host invades / The imperial consort of the crown of Spades.” (Lines 66-68). Participants and observers both place an unnecessary significance upon a simple card game. This frivolity further illustrates the distorted values of the upper class.





High School Dictionary


Noob (n) one who is idiotic, moronic
origin: Sounds similiar to "new", originally used in reference to new players in video games
“Wow, that noob forgot to put on his parking brake so his car rolled into the lake.”
external image n00b.jpg
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Uber (adj) – super, best, very
origin: originally German; its meaning was altered after being associated with Superman
“Bobby has an uber expensive computer.”

Pro (adj) – elite, best
origin: shortened version of the world "professional"
"Jim, the most pro skateboarder in the school, can land a 900 with ease."

Senioritis
(n) - condition in which seniors stop caring about academics
origin: Combination of "senior" and "itis", a common ending denoting disease.
"Jake has a bad case of senioritis, he hasn't done his homework in weeks."

The senioritis epidemic continues its rampage across the country.
The senioritis epidemic continues its rampage across the country.

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Fake bake
(v.)- term used to describe what a person is doing to their skin when they go to a tanning salon
Orgin: changed by non-tanners from the word fake tanning to fake bake to fully exemplify what these people are doing to their bodies by comparing them to baking themselves in an oven.
"Stacy went to fake bake after school today so she would not be pale for prom."

A fake baker.
A fake baker.

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Legit- can mean a multiple of things where it be used as 1. true or not fake or 2. cool

Orgin: short for the word legitimate or from MC Hammers song, too legit to quit
"Yes, my purse is legit coach"

Murse - a purse or bag carried by a man that is usually worn while traveling or in the absence of a female companion that would carry items in their purse for them
Orgin: substititue an m in from the world male into the world purse
"Drew wore a murse while in france because his wallet did not fit all of his belongings."

A murse. Lookin' good.
A murse. Lookin' good.

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im in ur (blank) , (blank)ing your (blank)z - A very versatile expression, you can use in such varying circumstances such as "im in ur fridge eating ur foodz" to "im in ur class copyin ur testz".

Origin: Originally, a screenshot of a Starcraft match was posted, in which one opponent was in another player's base. He was so pleased with himself that he sent a message to his opponent saying "im in yur base killing yur doodz"
The internet meme has become some popular it even has its own shirt now.
The internet meme has become some popular it even has its own shirt now.

Source
Facepalm (v.) - The act of applying your palm to your facial region, usually because of extreme ignominy due to failure.
"When I got a 23% on the multiple choice test because I filled out B for every answer, I completely facepalmed in the middle of class."

Origin: Captain Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation frequently facepalmed during the show, and eventually fake motivational posters like the one below were put up on the internet, and a new meme was born.

external image facepalm.jpg
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lolwut - An expression used when something said is so incomprehensible that you are both laughing and intrigued at the same time.

Dude 1: "Dude, I heard that eating asparagus makes you turn invisible."
Dude 2: "lolwut"

Origin: This image was posted by an Australian artist on his blog in 2006. After that, the image got onto the 4chan internet community forums, and it went viral from there.

external image lolwut.jpg
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Addison and Steele


The article first starts off by explaining how when showing off diamonds or jewelry you always show them on a black background in order to show off all of their natural beauty or even their flaws. Then, while attending the opera, the narrator notices similarities between the jewels as well as a woman in her black mourning clothes. A woman’s usual everyday dress attire is adorned with ornate beading, bright colors, and intricate patterns, which women seem to believe somehow makes them more attractive and beautiful. Whereas when they are adorned in just black is when you truly are able to distinguish one woman’s true beauty or flaws just like you would a necklace of fine diamonds. Women also seem to gain false images of their beauty when they have a painting done of themselves. Being as the painter wants to earn his money, he may exaggerate a woman’s beauty strengths and downplay her flaws.
Another good example is how long a woman sits at her mirror to make herself “beautiful”. She may waste away hours adorning her face with make-up, her skin with perfume, and her body with over-elaborate clothing and in the end, upon looking at her face in the mirror, she somehow believes that by doing so she has witnessed a miracle because now she is an amazingly gorgeous woman, not in any way shape or form the same person she was at the beginning of her preparation. Many a woman has fallen under this spell as to believe that miracles do occur in the mirror. The narrator’s great aunt Margaret was one of them. She was such a plus-size desirous woman who had as many as three suitors in her life. Being as her family could not stand to part with all three of her suitors were scared off by men of the family by all the things that a woman believes to be attractive, but are not. Her grandfather scared off the first suitor by dressing her in a satin suit patterned with flowers. Then the second suitor Margaret scared him away herself by convincing herself of his ill contemptment. Finally at the ripe age of 60 her brother dressed her in red ribands to get rid of the final suitor.
After spending hours in the mirror, mirriam has not improved her beauty at all
After spending hours in the mirror, mirriam has not improved her beauty at all

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After reading On Female Vanity one begins to notice how it not only exemplifies the ideals of the Age of Reason but also the present day. Addison and Steele truly believe that what they say on the subject of a woman’s beauty routine is only common sense which women are somehow blinded from seeing when looking in a mirror. Addison and Steele see this article as a way to inform them of it. At the same time it is also realistic seeing as clothing and makeup can only exaggerate your body more or simply cover something up, but in no way shape are form are they able to change you forever. The most prominent ideal from the age of reason has to be their use of satire and irony. They are basically mocking women for wasting so much time on themselves when in reality they are not truly changing anything, ultimately portraying the male as the smarter sex for having already realized that time spent in front of a mirror is merely a waste of time.
In today’s society On Female Vanity is ever present. Everyone has seen the girl who fake-bakes to the point where she is orange and completely unattractive or the girl who applies foundation that does not match her skin tone, so instead of hiding the flaws that may exist they end up making them more noticeable. I myself along with many of girls find that dressing up in patterned and pretty clothing makes me feel more confidant and beautiful when in reality if I stepped out in blue jeans, white shirt, no shoes, no make-up and my hair undone, that girl would be the same as what anyone sees of me everyday. When you do apply make-up that makes you look different you also look fake and not real. Also by doing so we happen to be ruining people’s actual perspectives of REAL BEAUTY!


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I happen to disagree with Addison and Steele on this belief a little bit. How a girl dresses herself does change her image at least a little. When a clearly older woman tries to cling to her younger teenage body by shopping in the juniors section or just out and about in her “trendy attire” for teenagers (we all have seen it) she definitely looks bigger than she would in clothing that actually fit. Also as most of us have seen on infomercials there are things known as body slimmer’s that may reduce your waist’s appearance in size.

On Servants
According to misconception a servant, maid, or hired help are not human beings, but rather an unidentifiable species all on their own. When in fact paid staff ARE human beings and are more or less comparable to the people that pay them. If a person comes into your house to do their job, whether it be cleaning, cooking, or gardening they are still human beings. Just because you can afford to pay them for jobs any average person has to do on their own it does not mean that they should be treated in any way less than you would want to be treated yourself. Something surprising to find is that when you are not in your company they tend to take upon your mannerisms of laughter and criticism when you may do something stupid or ridiculous.
Upon visiting a nobles house a guest finds a maid and the bar maid laughing at a bishops remarks that he wanted better beer and that he would do some obscene punishment if she not bring it to him immediately. In his honor they speak intolerably about their master’s unruly requests and punishments. Then they make a large amount of beer to “celebrate” his gracious title and before serving the bishop his beer they themselves have a party on his behalf. Then they all ascend upon the stairs to bring the bishop plenty of his hail and a party as well.
During the time of the age of reason the division between classes was still black and white. Addison and Steele really go against the grain here by trying to explain to the upper class that the lower class are people just like themselves except they make a lower income of money. They are also showing how the upper class makes a mockery of themselves when they do not treat their servants with respect because in return their servants lose all respect for their masters as well as the desire to work hard for their masters.
The waitress: Our modern day servant.
The waitress: Our modern day servant.

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I find that you can relate a servant from this time to the job of a waitress in a restaurant. People do not realize how hard of a job these men and women have. When you treat them politely they will go out of their way to make sure that you have a one of a kind experience that was flawless and in return there are unfortunately some people who do not tip the waitress for the hard work they have done to make sure you have a good time. If you ever return to that restaurant again waitresses may remember who you are and not go out of their way.


Further Reading:

Fine, Jon. "WHY NOT BAIL OUT NEWSPAPERS, TOO? A modest proposal for a lobbying campaign to save America's battered dailies." Business Week 4109 (Nov 24, 2008): 124. Student Resource Center - Gold. Gale. Emmaus High School. 20 Apr. 2009
<http://find.galegroup.com/ips/start.do?prodId=IPS>.

Lewis, Herschell Gordon. "A modest proposal. (curmudgeon at-large)." Direct 14.1 (Jan 2002): 62(1). Student Resource Center - Gold. Gale. Emmaus High School. 26 Apr. 2009
<http://find.galegroup.com/ips/start.do?prodId=IPS>.